Upon hearing the news of a young woman who died in a car crash, a purported well-wisher arrived at the parents home and declared: What sort of parents would allow a young woman to drive a car alone to work at night? Such words only deepen the pain and guilt that the parents are already suffering. Everyday Health | Visiting a family who just lost a loved one? Neha Kakkar, Rohanpreet's honeymoon at Atlantis Dubai costs Rs 90,000 a night? (Bhagavad Gita, 2.23-24). New threads and replies may not be made here. Cake offers its users do-it-yourself online forms to complete their own wills and It is unborn, eternal, permanent, and primeval. In this sect of Hinduism, theres no food or drink offered to the family for up to 10 days. What customs and traditions should I be aware of so that I can be respectful? There are all kinds of people in the world with vastly contrasting belief systemseach convinced that theirs is the right version. Whilst it may be difficult to observe all Hindu death rituals in a hospital or care home, it is helpful to remember the following so that the patient can stay true to their faith: What rituals take place after someone dies? The Good Thinking team has produced this short guide to help anyone in the Hindu community across London who has lost a loved one, and to help health and care professionals who are supporting terminally ill patients of the Hindu faith. This link will open in a new window. Traditional rites of Hindu funerals dictate that this ceremony should only be attended by men. There are almost never any honorary pallbearers at the funeral of a Christian woman, but at a Jewish funeral both men and women may have honorary pallbearers. Hindu funeral rituals decree that cremation is the custom, but the deceased body remains in the home of the family until you move it to the cremation place. Give items to use or display in the home in remembrance of the loved one. Such words are of little use to someone who has just lost a loved one. We depend on advertising to keep our content free for you. The soul is unborn, eternal, immortal and primeval. A Hindu priest will be invited to visit and to purify the house with incense, prayers and mantra. This depends on personal preferences. If youre not familiar with these Hindu funeral customs, you may also see a lot of food and drink. You could offer to be helpful to her, perhaps by helping her with her workload the day of the funeral or memorial service. During the thirteen-day period of mourning following the death, the presence of friends and family helps create positive karma to help prepare the soul for its next incarnation. LinkedIn. Guests may attend the cremation, but if they do not want to, they may depart after the service. The act of explaining to the son or daughter or other close relatives about the good nature and help rendered by the deceased and give condolences to them is called Enquiring about the grief. 13. It is also key to building positive karma for the deceased. There, husbands and wives increasingly share household roles as dual-earners. Because people will be standing, it is customary to keep the ceremony brief. Thats because they are considered to be impure spiritually during the mourning period. To upgrade your account, please visit the account upgrades page. In Hinduism, there is no judgment day as there are in Christian belief systems. 12. Caring for someone who is dying involves looking after their physical, emotional and spiritual needs. (1995). For example, chewing loudly with an open mouth and talking with ones mouth full of food are considered bad table manners not because the offender has a problem with it, but because the others would find it repulsive. 4. They sit in the first two rows on the left, and after the service they leave, two by two, preceding the casket. Distant relatives and more casual friends and acquaintances may prefer visiting the family at the funeral home. While the thirteen day intense period of Hindu mourning rituals may involve family and friends, the immediate family of the deceased is considered in mourning for a year following the death of the loved one. Get the latest tips and resources for Londoners delivered to your inbox every month. The more you practice, the more comfortable you will be delivering it at the service. Atma is beyond space and time. For some, writing notes is helpful as they work through their grief; for others it is too difficult to get much done for some time. Following are a collection of questions and answers about bereavement to help guide you during difficult times. We cannot give you customized advice on your situation or needs, which would require the service It is appropriate to visit the home of the family as an expression of comfort and support. Some people have the knack for amplifying or worsening the existing sorrow by dropping pessimistic remarks such as Ohshe was so young, she had her whole life ahead of her!, How sad it is for her children! When in doubt, silence is the best option. At Hindu funerals, mourners should not wear anything black. Simple condolences are universally acceptable. Keep your pet leashed, and clean up after it. Customs vary by tradition, but are conducted by a local priest and involve prayers, scripture readings and chanting. This ceremony is attended by male family members and a priest. Hare Krishna. The Awesome Etiquette podcast is a weekly Q&A show where hosts, (cousins, and co-presidents of the Emily Post Institute,) Lizzie Post and Dan Post Senning answer audience questions, tackle etiquette topics in detail and salute good etiquette witnessed by the Awesome Etiquette audience. During this period, the close relatives of the deceased person abstain from celebrations and . With that, parents will often go to great lengths to ensure the success of their families. After you hear about someones death, it is pretty customary to visit the deceased family at their place immediately for offering your sympathy. Since you know that his mother likes lilies, you might want to wait a bituntil the activity immediately following your co-worker's death settles downand then send her the lilies. Those who are emotionally close to the bereaved person may quietly ask How are you and give them a chance to express their feelings. In many locales, even those who don't know each other will rally to assist bereaved neighbors in some way. During subsequent visits, suggestions can be offered, but only when sought by the family. You can also donate financially if you can. Someones positive familial and community impact is enough of a statement to their character in and of itself. The Hindu mourning period (sutak) typically lasts ten to thirteen days and includes various rituals, such as prayers and preparing certain foods, depending on the particular Hindu tradition of the family. It's appropriate to visit the family at their home after their period of mourning, which typically lasts 10 days. Hindus believe that humans are in a continuous cycle of death and rebirth calledsamsara. Introduction to Hindu Funerals. Send hand-selected and thoughtful gifts appropriate for those of the Hindu faith to let them know you care. What to Send: Sympathy flowers and sympathy cards are appropriate Hindu funeral rites Hindu funeral service: Traditionally, the body remains at the home of the deceased or in a funeral parlor until it is cremated, which is usually within 24 hours after death. Kalyana saavu is roughly translated as happy death, and you would use this phrasing to honor someones life and legacy. While visiting the bereaved, our focus should remain completely on the departed, and the grieving family. Though etiquette is slowly changing, custom has usually dictated that those attending a visitation or funeral should wear semi-formal clothing. Another common mistake is to pass remarks on how the family could have taken better care of the person who passed. Copyright 2018 Manoramaonline. The only exceptions to this obligation are when the expression of condolence is simply a printed form with no personal message, or when the writer asks that his or her note not be acknowledged (a thoughtful thing to do when writing a close friend, or when someone you know well will receive a great number of condolences). Specific rituals depend on the patients affiliation to a particular Hindu tradition. The urge to dish out free advice and meaningless platitudes must be resisted. Funerals are emotionally complex, and knowing how to act can present a Its a difficult time, emotions are raw and theres a lot to organize. In many rural areas of India, gender inequalities still exist where the men adopt the head of household position. One of the worst bloopers and a bane of modern technology when not done right, taking unsolicited photographs is a total no-no at a home where death has just occurred. When offering sympathy messages to an Orthodox Hindu for their sibling, youll find that the atmosphere of condolences is much different. Then, organize help with phone calls and the preparation of a newspaper announcement. Household items like decorative rugs, afghans and blankets make appropriate gifts to honor the memory of the loved one. Some placement restrictions may apply. In this sect of Hinduism, theres no food or drink offered to the family for up to 10 days. It's best to stick with their request at such a sensitive time. Not attending religious functions or celebrations. We are not attorneys and are not providing you with legal Consider it an honor to help your friend during this painful time. The flowers are placed at the feet of the deceased. 6. advice. Light a memorial candle at the table or for several hours on a special day. As an elder or wise member of the community, it would still be common to invoke Lord Krishnas name even if this is the parents chosen lifestyle. forms. 9. A notice would either state the hour and location of the service, which would mean that it would be appropriate for you to attend if you wished, or it would indicate if the service is private. Medicine is not an exact science, and the human body is not a machine that has replaceable parts or even an instruction manual. Are you sure you want to Unsubscribe from Malayala Manorama News letter/ Alert. Weapons do not cut this Spirit, fire does not burn it, water does not make it wet, and the wind does not make it dry. A Hindu death ritual comprises of three parts: A funeral/wake at the family's place. There are several ways to show honor and to respect the memory of the departed, including visiting in person. If you are a casual friend or extended friend: Send an email or text immediately and follow up after the. Relate stories that show your friend in a positive light, and handle any humor with care. May Lord Krishna grant you strength. 24 hours after the death, the body is taken to the cremation site. This is made worse when people pick the phone up and start talking at the top of their voice as though they were at a party. There is a tendency to judge whether the person deserved to die the way he or she did. The family may return to work following the thirteen-day period of mourning. I understand that not only did your friend mean a great deal to you, but also that Keyur was well-loved by his family and community. You should not bring flowers to a Hindu funeral. The last thing the family wants at such a difficult time is advice. Offer specific assistance: "I'm going to the grocery. Talk to your friend's family. After that, the body has to be cremated. Her startling determination to do exactly the opposite, was amazing.". Hare Krishna. It would be helpful if someone clarifies regarding the appropriate days to visit the members of bereaved family. Mourners dress, eat, and behave austerely during the ten to thirty days after the death and before the shraddha ceremony. Generally, only people who are particularly invited to the shraddha ceremony will attend. Also, there may be a Hindu funeral ceremony called shraddha that usually takes place after 10 days from the death. During the thirteen-day period of mourning following the death, the presence of friends and family helps create positive karma to help prepare the soul for its next incarnation. Throughout this time, families may display a picture of their loved one, adorned with a garland of flowers, somewhere in their house. A photograph of the. 15. Silence is golden: Mark Twains classic quote is noteworthy in the context of visiting a bereaved family. Some friends have the knack for hitting all the right notes and saying all of the right things. While every group has slightly different funeral practices, theres a general set of funeral rites that all follow in this community. (2008). What to do: Mourners may dress casually. Dr. Vasudha Narayanan, Professor of Religion at the University of Florida and. Thank the family for offering the honor to you. 14. The mourning period is observed at the grieving family's home and will last from 10 to 30 days. Family members have an open invitation to attend the service. If there is a line waiting to see the family, keep your thoughts and comments brief. During this time, because the family of the deceased is considered impure, they are bound by several rules of behavior. Letting the bereaved know that you are thinking of him or her and that you care can mean a lot. Theyre good people inside and out, living a life marked with joy and fulfillment. The body of the deceased should be released as quickly as possible to enable the family to prepare for the funeral. Unfortunately, while social topics like table manners get discussed at home or at school, most of us have not received any formal training on this sombre topic. While there's no rule book, the visitation, whether held at a funeral home or the family's home, is a good opportunity to express your condolences. You can quickly highlight a friends accomplishments without getting too wordy while acknowledging their belief systemsas a general way of living. This setting gives the family a larger space to accept visitors and allows easier interaction with others. The Hindu religion believes that when a person dies, his soul goes into another body. It is not uncommon to hear one person pass a negative remark about the deceased persons character, soon to be joined by other likeminded people who fuel the conversation into a full-fledged debate. May God bring speed to your childs soul. A compassionate gesture is often all thats needed while visiting the acutely bereaved. Your are already subscribed for Malayala Manorama News Letter/Alert. There is a gathering of family and friends who are grieving. Some Indian-Americans journey all the way back to India to immerse the ashes in the Ganges or visit many pilgrimage sites to seek blessings for the departed soul and solace for their own pain. Divorced parents should include it in their holiday visitation schedule, especially if they get the day off of work or their child gets the day off of school.. Keep in mind that this can be a particularly important holiday for military families because it honors individuals . Friends may call or visit family members of the deceased to offer their condolences upon hearing of the death and may bring flowers to them at that time. is in chatting mode, Heading towards stronger foreign exchange reserves, Omar Sharif: Best bridge player in the world, KPP: The Unsung Voyager of Kerala Industry, Social media savvy cops setting example in Bengaluru, Tribunal rejects claim on early conciliation number, Priya Menon is all set to take Sankalp to the next level. Notes of condolence should be acknowledged with a handwritten note. We loved her as our class teacher, she meant so much for all of us.. The family would have got over the immediate grief and anger by then, and will be receptive to conversation. Hare Krishna. Common blunders while visiting the bereaved: 1. Are others going to be speaking about her? And then it is appropriate to briefly visit the bereaved family at home at the end of the day. When attending a senior persons funeral, enquiring publicly about the age of the deceased is inappropriate, whereas nodding in approval of the stated age is downright rude. During the ceremony, non-Hindus can sit quietly. Where would it be held? Food will be served following the ceremony. Weather conditions, circumstances and setting of the funeral, and religious and cultural traditions may affect the choices for clothing made. He seemed fine when I saw him last week! Did you check her cholesterol? What did the first ECG show? Was he wearing a helmet? When was her last chemo? are but a few examples of such unwarranted questions. Sometimes termed the Art of Presence, one of the best gifts one can give is the gift of time. In the United States, cremation needs to be performed only by a licensed crematory. eCondolence.com, LLC | Copyright 2023. https://www.learnreligions.com/healing-words-for-tragic-times-1770148. Close friends who are invited to attend will receive a personal invitation to the event. Deepest condolence messages very helpful in grief. Support the family with thoughtful and appropriate Hindu sympathy meals, baskets and memorials. Your sister was a beautiful person. Finding the proper way to express condolences can be difficult. It is important to identify a persons religious inclinations at the start of their care and to find out what they need when approaching the end of life. After someone dies, their body should be treated with respect. Leaving footwear outside is part of local culture in India, and is a respectful gesture in this context. E-mail shouldn't replace a handwritten condolence note, but it's a nice way to let your coworker that you're there for her. Though a useful principle to follow universally, it is most handy while visiting the bereaved. This period of time is rooted in traditional beliefs, with each of the day being divided into "minor days" (4 days for each week). It is a common slip-up for people to assume that sharing their own religious beliefs would bring solace to the bereaved family. Otherwise, they may quietly sit throughout the chanting. She was neatly dressed and even had her hair put up. See if you would agree. generalized educational content about wills. The ashes are usually scattered in a local river or the sea or maybe taken to India to be scattered in any one of the holy rivers, such as the Ganga. Make a list of all the ways your loved one enriched . Please navigate to the relevant forum to create a new thread or post a reply. On the first anniversary of the death, a memorial event (shraaddha) is held to pay homage to the deceased. In Hinduism, theres samsarathe continuous cycle of reincarnation. Unfortunately, we sometimes see inappropriate things being said during such an occasion. Those people are greatly missed as they create such a hole for those they leave behind. If you decide you want to do it, then write your talk from your heart. Once Nirvana is attained, the reincarnation cycle ends. form. Adherence to a strict mourning period is less common today. Please consider whitelisting us in your ad blocker so that we can continue to provide the content you have come here to enjoy. Sleep is a basic bodily need, and lack of it can take a person down in no time. All Rights Reserved. Find Appropriate Sympathy & Condolence Baskets. However, mourners should check with the family or the funeral director to find out what's appropriate for the funeral they are attending. There are no set customs prohibiting working during the period of mourning, so returning to work is often an individual decision. That said, if you are thinking about contacting the bereaved or would like to offer your condolences, you should absolutely do so. Keep your friend informed and get her feedback. If a family member has persistent trouble sleeping, help must be summoned. After a person succumbs to illnesses such as cancer, some visitors make public assertions about magical cures that have no scientific validity, claiming that the person could have been alive through such means. Saraff, Anjula & Srivastava, Harish. But may his soul travel swiftly to the next destination. You can also include a poem, passage or anything else you feel reflects your friend's life. Those who are close to the grieving family can gently make sure that they dont miss their meals. Avoid the eating of certain foods, like sweets. (Extra chairs can be made available for the elderly.) What kind of gift is appropriate for an occasion? However, it is usually the eldest son who presides at the cremation. However, mourners can check with the funeral director or family for finding out whats appropriate for that particular funeral. E-mail is a immediate way to reach out and say, "I'm sorry. Good behaviours while visiting the bereaved. Malayala Manorama apps - carry the world with you. Many users would be better served consulting an attorney than using a do-it-yourself online For many people it can be a great comfort to know that friends are thinking of them in such a difficult time. Das, S. (n.d.). Rather than ask Do you need anything it is better to be specific about what we can do for them. Through cremation, the five basic elements, known as thepanchbhut, are returned to the universe, signifying the maintenance of cosmic equilibrium. Today, many take their ashes to a nearby place to their home. Once the major decisions have been made, visit, or at least speak with, the person performing the service. Blaming the family for not doing enough. The Spirit cannot be cut, burned, wet, or dried. Whilst it is favourable to do this within 24 hours, it is widely accepted amongst the Hindu community that the administrative process will take longer in the UK. "Mukhagni" or a cremation ceremony. Sharma, A. Liberation is characterised as the attainment of the transcendent. I remember my neighbour had a much more terrible time with the same disease. Instagram. Visiting in person and/or attending one or more of the traditions and rituals the visitation, wake, or shiva, the funeral or memorial service, and the burial or final resting service can be appropriate and will be appreciated by the mourning family. As hard as it can be to believe, some overly curious visitors have the tendency to interrogate the family about the cause of death. Close with warm words, such as "With deepest sympathy." APPROPRIATE DAYS TO VISIT BEREAVED FAMILY: BEFORE NOVEMBER 1 OR 2 Just like any other special occasion or celebration, sometimes the best way to visit is the day before the said "peak season." This is to avoid a crowded space and a possible ruckus while visiting. Below, well use this concept in offering messages for the loss of a child. Shinto - The tradition is to give used money to the family in an envelope decorated in black and silver. For instance, if the family head shows or voices no grief, the guests will respond similarly. The guests should expect to see the body, offer condolences to the bereaved family, and take a seat quietly. 6. The dos as well as the donts are important. Ask the person who will be officiating at the service for any tips on preparing and delivering a eulogy. If you are a colleague or acquaintance: Send an email or handwritten note immediately. A Hindu death ritual comprises of three parts: So, the actual funeral takes place at the deceaseds home, although actual events can be considered a wake according to western standards because of its short span. Whats regionally accepted in Southern India, for example, may not be appropriate or even standard in the North. of an actual attorney. It is also important to listen keenlythat is, without looking at our watches in between, fidgeting with our fingers or letting our eyes wander. I'm here for you." Hindu funerals usually take place within 24 hours of death. This can occur when friends or colleagues show up and we forget for a moment that it is a solemn occasion. This forum contains old posts that have been closed.
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